It's Always For
by HoneyBeeez
Summary: Hinata's mom loses his job, and he feels pretty helpless... until he comes up with some way to help. (no ships, specifically, but there is a pretty kagehina-centric feel to it. also, TRIGGERS: starvation, descriptions of emaciated bodies, and vomiting. please take care of yourself! M for the triggers and because i dont know how to genre or rate things)


**HEY GUYS! so, im here with this! its ind of angsty, and it has quite a lot of triggers or at least emotionally compromising topics for some readers, so if you are triggered by starvation, descriptions of emaciated bodies, and throwing up, then please dont read and take care of yourself!**

 **DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING, AND PLEASE WATCH HAIKYUU!**

* * *

It hits Hinata Shouyo harder than a sack of bricks when he finds out that his mother lost her job. He figures it out after he was let out of school early (because there was a faculty meeting and they didn't have volleyball practice planned for that afternoon) and he finds him mom on the couch. _She's usually at work_ , Hinata thinks, _she shouldn't be here_.

When he calls out to her, and she looks up, it all clicks in Hinata's head. He feels like he can't breathe, can't think, because what are they supposed to do now? His mom isn't working and she needs to look for a new job, Hinata himself can't get a job because he has school and volleyball practice and he has no time left in between.

He panics, because he's the man in the house, he's supposed to make this better, he's supposed to know what to do. He knows he's putting this pressure on himself, but he feels like its unavoidable; his mom is doing the best she can for him and Natsu, now he has to repay her somehow.

The solution comes to him quickly, and although it's not something big, he decides to do it anyways. It'll help Natsu, and his mom wouldn't have to worry about him all that much. He tells his mom exactly that, that she doesn't have to worry, and then he goes into his room and waits until Natsu comes home. When she does, he takes her outside to play.

When dinner rolls around, Hinata skips out and goes to his room, saying he isn't hungry. He tries to focus on his homework instead, but ends up falling asleep after finishing one assignment.

* * *

The next week is hard for Hinata. He has to forcibly keep himself out of the kitchen, even if it kills him, because the slightest bit of temptation will ruin his resolve in an instant. Secretly, he curses his love for all things edible. He removes himself from his classroom at lunch and goes to the most unappetizing places he knows: the bathroom. The smells, the atmosphere, the people coming and going stop him from thinking about food, and he's suddenly so proud of his ability to think on his feet. _This is for Natsu_ , he thinks proudly as he sees his little sister's bright smile in his mind's eyes, _it's always been for Natsu_.

Practice gets harder, especially since he doesn't work well with an empty stomach. It's almost like he's lost all will to focus anything, and he feels lightheaded if he does anything too quickly. But he drinks lots of water to compensate, or at least he thinks of it as compensation; it's something coming into his body, right? It's only fair that it replaces the absence of food that his plan created.

It only gets worse. His stomach groans so much that he has to bounce around and speak very loudly whenever it happens, so that his mom and Natsu don't worry. His mom hasn't asked him why he hasn't been eating, but Hinata assumes that she thinks that he's been eating at school. It makes him feel a little better. But he's losing sleep because at the end of the day because his stomach feels like it's trying to eat itself, he's so hungry.

But he won't let himself cave in. _It's for Natsu_ , he thinks to himself as he's tossing and turning in his bed, _it's always been for Natsu_. The thought always makes him sleep, but he wakes up minutes later, only for the process to repeat itself.

His grades are suffering too, because his brain doesn't operate with this kind of energy deficit. He doesn't eat, doesn't sleep well, and moves around almost constantly, and it's almost too much for him to sit down and listen to what the teacher is telling them. Nothing… sticks.

* * *

Finally, Hinata loses his battle of wills when Daichi offers to buy everyone meat buns after practice. Always a sucker for meat buns, and being infinitely hungry, Hinata cheers with the rest of the team. When they get their hands on them, though, things change.

Hinata sinks his teeth into the bun, flavors bursting in his mouth, which hasn't tasted anything in so long. He chews, something so foreign now, but easily familiar. He misses this, and savors every bite… no, that's wrong. He scarfs the meat bun down, missing it, but not trusting himself for too long, not trusting this to last, not trusting himself to stop eating after this, so he wants to end it quickly. _Just this once_ , he thinks, _so I can keep this up for Natsu_.

The moment he throws away the meat bun wrapper, everything sour. He finally feels it, the feeling of being so full that he's close to bursting, the feeling of something being too much in a small space. It's overwhelming, and after a second, he does burst. He doubles over the trash can as a mixture of meat bun, water, and stomach acid rises and burns his throat as his stomach empties itself once more.

There's chaos. Sugawara is patting his back as he coughs and spits out the rest of the vomit, Daichi is shifting nervously, Tanaka and Nishinoya are shouting at Hinata, but there's no way he knows what they're saying (all he knows is that they sound worried), Yamaguchi is at his side, murmuring something he can't really catch. Tsukishima and Kageyama are standing where they were before, staring at the scene in shock, confusion and worry.

Ennoshita passes him a water bottle as he straightens up again, and Hinata rasps out his thanks. He takes a swig of the water, swishes it around his mouth, and spits it out in the trash can.

"What the hell was that all about, dumbass?"

"Be nice to him, Bakayama! He just threw up!"

"Hinata, are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine!" Hinata says cheerily, rubbing the back of his head and pulling on a sheepish smile. "I must have eaten a little too fast. Sorry for worrying you." He says earnestly, and the statement itself seems to appease everyone.

Keyword: 'Seems.'

Everyone goes home after that, and all that's left is Kageyama and Hinata as they walk along the road until they hit the fork. The walk is silent, a little tense with what previously happened both fresh in their minds. Hinata's worry radiates off him, and Kageyama is apparently picking up on it, or maybe it's both of their worrying feeding each other. When they finally hit the fork in the road, Hinata waves at him joyfully, about to say something about the next day, when Kageyama grabs his upper arm, effectively stopping Hinata's speech.

"Just… be careful, okay, dumbass?" Kageyama mutters, looking directly into Hinata's brown eyes as he says it. He must have seen something in them as he says it, because he looks away once he's done talking.

"Okay…" Hinata replies after a while, too scared to say anything. Kageyama lets go of his arm, bids him farewell, and goes off on his own. Hinata doesn't want him to leave, he wants him to come back here and tell him what that was all about. But he goes on his own way anyways, because he assumes all of that was because he threw up.

* * *

Since then, Kageyama pays very close attention to Hinata, and he notices a lot of things that are certainly not-Hinata. The orange-haired energy ball is decidedly less energetic than he used to be, even though he is pretty damn good at faking it. Kageyama finds him walking out of the classroom at lunch, and inconspicuously follows him until he disappears into the bathroom. He doesn't think this is odd until he realizes that he doesn't leave until lunch is over and he does that every day without fail. It's unnerving.

But he notices more. Hinata is more nervous about changing in the club room. He looks over his shoulders as he strips himself of his shirt, and he quickly pulls on the next one, almost like he has a secret he wants no one noticing. He drinks a lot of water, his stamina seems to be less than it was before, and now, every time he leaps into the air for a spike, he lands on his feet unsteadily. Once he even falls.

"Hinata!" Kageyama growls, his worry coming out as aggression, because he doesn't know what to do as he looks down at the fallen orange ball of energy at his feet.

"I'm fine! Leave me alone!" Hinata argues, clambering to his feet unsteadily before marching off and taking another long swig from his water bottle. "One more!" He barks, and Kageyama finds himself unwillingly setting up to toss to him one last time.

He hopes that none of this is serious, but he has his doubts.

* * *

Hinata seriously doubts how long he can continue this. Mostly, he's just scared about not being able to eat again. Throwing up the meat bun messed him up more than words could ever describe; he'd only eaten one thing, one tiny thing, and his stomach couldn't even hold that. So what could his stomach hold? What were his limits? Honestly, he was too worried to find out. Eating at home would mean wasting what little food they had and worrying his mom and Natsu, who did not deserve to see him like this. Eating at school would worry everyone else, and Hinata was pretty sure Kageyama was suspicious of him in the first place.

So no, he wouldn't eat, he was too scared too, but he was also scared about what happens if he continues like this.

Right before washing off under a stream of freezing cold water, Hinata strips and assesses himself in the mirror. His ribs jut out more than usual, and when he runs his hands up his chest experimentally, he can feel every dip, snag, and cling of his bones underneath the pads of his fingers. His hip bones jut out too, ever so slightly, drawing attention to the hollow of his belly and the immediate absence of fat. His legs, his thighs especially, are leaner than they used to be; they were never necessarily fatty in the first place, but it's obvious to see that every spec of fat was burned for energy. His arms look thin, spindly, and his elbows and knees look especially more knobby than they used to be.

He looks up, and sees the dark circles under his eyes, sees his almost-limp orange hair, sees his well-defined jaw line and hollowed in cheeks. He sees himself as what he really is: a flightless crow, one that starves for scraps, for attention, for help, yet everything seems to be high in the air while he's trapped to the ground.

Hinata wants to cry, but he holds it in until he starts the shower, stepping under it and letting the sound of running water drown out his sobs. _It's for Natsu_ , he thinks as he mops at his eyes and tries a bright smile the mirror after his shower, _it'll always be for Natsu_.

* * *

It's a normal day but Hinata seems more out-of-it than usual, Kageyama observes. He doesn't get up to go the bathroom during lunch; instead, he buries his head in the crook of his elbow and rests on his desk. He almost looks like he's sleeping, but Kageyama notices him twitching from time to time. It's almost worrying enough to walk up to him and ask if he was okay, but Kageyama wasn't certain he would get an honest answer in response.

Hinata doesn't race him to the gym, doesn't rush to put on his clothes, either. Instead, he gathers them up and changes in the bathroom. He comes back and spouts an excuse that he needed to pee, and he thought he could have killed two birds with one stone.

When practice starts, he seems to be fine, stretching with the team and shouting just as loudly as he normally does as they count off. Daichi announces that they're doing sprints today, and Kageyama instantly looks at Hinata expectantly. He expects to see him inflate, to get up excitedly and cheer about how awesome this is gonna be, because if Hinata was anything, he was proud of his incredible stamina and in love with cardio days. But, to Kageyama's shock, he does the exact opposite; Hinata's shoulders slump and he lets out a heavy sigh that even Kageyama can hear.

The middle blocker gets to his feet almost heavily, like there's an invisible weight on his shoulders that he can't shake off. He sways, and it looks like his knees buckle slightly, before the bright orange ball pulls on a clearly-fake smile and cheerily follows Nishinoya to the other side of the gym.

Kageyama strategically sets himself behind Hinata in the lineup, just so he can keep a good watch on him. He can't put his finger on it, can't say exactly what he was expecting, but he knows that, whatever it is, it's bad.

Hinata runs out of breath after the fourth sprint, and Kageyama sort of wants to smack him on the shoulder and tell him to sit down. But he can't, because it was none of his business, and besides, if Hinata felt bad, then he would excuse himself from pract-

Suddenly, unexpectedly, mid-sprint, Hinata Shouyo tumbles to the ground in the most ungraceful display anyone in that gym has ever seen. Kageyama is there in an instant, thankful for his kneepads as he slides across the wood floor and stops perfectly next to the collapsed boy.

"Hinata!" Kageyama yells, but this time he doesn't use anger as a shroud; his voice is saturated with worry and he finds it hard to breathe. He knows everyone is gathered around the two of them, can feel their worry mix with theirs, can practically sense their confusion and need for answers, because Kageyama feels the same thing gathering in his tensed stomach. He won't ask now, especially not now, because Hinata is pushing himself up, with difficulty, Kageyama notices, and fixing him a defiant glare.

"I'm fine, I'm fine!" Hinata assures, although his voice tells them exactly the opposite. "I just tripped over my shoelaces! It's nothing to stop practice over!" He yells, mostly in the same way Kageyama yelled. He wasn't necessarily worried, nor was it in his voice, but there was a sense of fear or panic that made alarms ring in Kageyama's head. So, he looks down.

One look at Hinata's shoe reveals that he, in fact, did not trip on his laces, because his shoes were tied meticulously and triple-knotted as a precaution.

"Are you sure you're okay, Hinata?" Asahi asks gently, a nervous half-smile on his face (the worry was mixed into that, too, and uncertainty, and even thought it was supposed to be a nice gesture, it did nothing). "That looked like a pretty bad fall. You could have gotten hurt." He adds, not wanting to get a piece of Hinata's glare.

"You should be more careful, dumbass, I told you." Kageyama mutters, his voice low, and Hinata huffs.

"Look, guys, I'm fine, I don't see why-" He says as he gets up off the ground. He struggles to get up to his feet, and when his feet are firmly planted in the ground, he straightens up quickly. Mid-sentence, Hinata sways dangerously, his eyes roll upwards, and his knees buckle again, only this time he's falling and he's making no move to break his fall himself.

Kageyama dives forward, still kneeling on the ground, and sticks an arm across Hinata's back, catching him just in time before he collided with the gym floor.

"He passed out!"

"Oh my god, Hinata!"

"Is the nurse still here?"

"Should we call an ambulance? Oh my god!"

"H-Hinata…" Kageyama mutters through the din, looking down at Hinata's seemingly-peaceful face. He's limp in his arms, and it's almost like he's… no, he can't think about that, can't finish his sentence, because Kageyama doesn't really want to play volleyball if Hinata is… dead.

But he's not dead, he reassures himself, looking at his small chest as it rises and falls shallowly.

"Everyone, shut up!" Coach Ukai barks, causing the whole gym to go silent immediately. "Tskishima, Kageyama, carry Hinata to the nurse. Tell her what happened, and don't leave until he wakes up again. Everyone else, practice is over. Go home and get some rest."

"Right!" They all say, nodding slightly.

Kageyama gives a look at Tsukishima, and they are somehow in agreement for the first time in forever. Tsukishima doesn't make any offhand comments about Kageyama being 'king' or about how much he was worried about Hinata. Instead, he kneels on the other side of Hinata, slings his arm around his back, just slightly lower than Kageyama's own arm, and hooks his other hand behind Hinata's knee. Kageyama shifts, mirroring Tsukishima's position, before they both stand and walk out of the gym in tandem.

The walk to the nurse was long, tense, and more tiring than any practice would have been. At least to Kageyama. Not that Hinata was very heavy, because he figured he could probably carry him all on his own, but because it was emotionally draining to see Hinata like this, deflated, lifeless, and weak, when he's usually so strong and… together.

They finally get to the nurse, and she takes over immediately. They're thankful the nurse stays late to accommodate for the sports' teams and clubs, but they don't say a word. They take their seats as the nurse works on Hinata, taking his vitals, checking is he's breathing, peeking underneath his eyelids for some unknown reason.

"Are you worried for him?" Tsukishima asks suddenly, not looking at Kageyama and decidedly fixes his gaze on the tile floor instead.

"Of course, I'm worried for him." Kageyama says, meaning to spit the phrase, but realizes that he couldn't. He was drained, tired, and somehow he knew Tsukishima was being genuine, even if he asked a stupid question like that.

"You've noticed, haven't you?" He says, crossing his arms over his chest. "How weird he's been acting."

"You've noticed, too, I take it." Kageyama says, a little in shock. He didn't know anyone else was looking at Hinata, didn't think anyone would pay attention to him and worry, especially not Tsukishima. "I've noticed he's been acting weird since he threw up that one time." He confesses, although he doesn't know why.

"Yeah. He's… not himself." Tsukishima says.

"Yeah." Kageyama agrees.

The conversation stops there, since both of them aren't sure exactly where it was going in the first place. Kageyama thinks, and he thinks too hard, because he's giving himself a headache. He wants answers, he wants to know why Hinata is like this, why he's acting weird, because it's scary and it's not him and he just wants to know why. There's a pain in his chest and something similar in his head, and his fingers clench and unclench as the wait gets longer and longer.

He's just about to stand up when the nurse walks up to them.

"Your friend is up." She says simply. Tsukishima and Kageyama look at each other, before nodding and make their way to the small cot Hinata was laid out on. His brown eyes were wide, almost like he didn't want them to be there and he was scared of what was going to happen now.

"Dumbass…" Kageyama mutters, looking away from him.

"W-What… I mean…" Hinata starts, but then immediately backtracks.

"You passed out and we carried you here." Tsukishima answers his unasked question before Kageyama could, and Hinata shuts his mouth and stares at his clenched fists.

"I'm sorr-"

"Why the hell are you sorry!?" Kageyama explodes, and Tsukishima slugs his arm hard enough to distract him.

"You really think he needs to be yelled at right now?" Tsukishima asks, his voice steel. Kageyama shrinks, and rubs at his arm, offended. "Let's get going." He says, turning around and heading for the door.

Hinata clambers off the cot shakily, rubbing at his forearms, and follows Tsukishima. Kageyama brings up the rear, and is the last to mumble his thanks to the nurse.

The walk back to the gym was equally as silent as the walk to the nurse. Kageyama mulls everything around in his head, and none of it make any sense whatsoever. He wants to ask Hinata about all this, wants to make him tell him what was going on, because something was definitely going on, he just doesn't know what. But he couldn't call him out because he wouldn't tell the truth if he did.

They get back to the gym, gather their things, and then head for the club room. They change out of their clothes, and Hinata goes into the bathroom to change again. Tsukishima parts ways with something that resembles a goodbye, and then it's just Hinata and Kageyama.

* * *

To say Hinata is shaken up was an understatement. He was stupid, so, so stupid, because he had to pass out, his knees had to buckle under him, he had to be so, so tired and so, so out of it. He hates that he made everyone worry, again, he hated that this all happened. And now, he has to go home and pretend that none of this happened for Natsu, because all of this is for Natsu.

His stomach drops as he thinks of going home. He has to make Natsu dinner. His mom is away and looking for a job somewhere outside their neighborhood. Hinata loves how hardworking she is, but that leaves him alone with Natsu. And he has to make her food. How painful will it be? He's a decent cook, since his mom taught him a couple dishes and they had enough groceries to scrounge up something but… will Natsu demand him to eat? What will she say?

"You're staying over." Kageyama says suddenly, shocking Hinata out of his thoughts.

"W-What? No, I…" Hinata tries to argue, but the setter cuts him off.

"Are you stupid? You just passed out, do you really think it's smart of me to let you walk home all by yourself? Besides, my house is closer so that doesn't happen again." Kageyama explains rapid-fire, almost like if he doesn't justify himself, he'll be lit on fire. Hinata stares at him, kind of knowing why he wants him to go with him, the real reason, but kind of relieved that he can't.

"Sorry. My mom's out and won't be back until tomorrow, so I have to watch my little sister." Hinata says, continuing on walking, even though his muscles burn in protest, even though his brain tells him to sit down. He's so, so tired, and so, so empty he doesn't know what to do. He's almost scared of Kageyama's silence, but then the setter appears at his side once again, a weird glint in his eyes that makes Hinata nervous.

"She can come too." He says, almost like he was stating a fact. Hinata chokes, not expecting that, and he stops walking in order to catch his breath. "What?!" Kageyama asks, a little surprised at Hinata's response.

"What the hell, Kageyama?" Hinata asks, giving him a level look. "Why are you being so nice? Why are you offering in the first place?" He had a lot more questions on his tongue, but before he could get them out, Kageyama was already talking.

"You think I have ulterior motives or something?" Kageyama asks him incredulously. "I'm worried about you, dammit!" He says, almost yelling it. Hinata blinks.

"I never wanted you to worry. I never asked for you to care." Hinata mutters, although he doesn't know why he's saying it. It's nice, to hear that Kageyama is worried about him, and wants him to be okay. It's nice to know that he cares. But he doesn't want to go, because then Kageyama would force all of this out of him, and he doesn't want his pity, doesn't want to say anything. He would rather suffer alone than have Kageyama worry.

"Well, too bad, dumbass. I'm worried about you and your sister, so the both of you are staying the night." Kageyama states it like it's a fact, and then he keeps on walking. Hinata follows him, unable to muster up the energy to fight with him any farther.

Kageyama stalks up to the fork in the road, and then slows so that Hinata can lead the way. The shorter of the two knows he's walking slowly, but it's all he can do. Kageyama doesn't complain, doesn't say much of anything, so Hinata guesses that it's okay. When they get to Hinata's home, Natsu is already sitting on the front steps.

"Natsu!" Hinata cries out as he pulls a smile onto his lips. He flings his arms out wide, and Natsu is up in seconds, running up to him and giving him the biggest hug.

"I thought you had practice." Natsu said into Hinata's shirt, twisting to look up at him while still caught up in the hug.

"I got out early." Hinata whispers, ruffling her already-fluffy orange hair. She giggles, before her gaze shifts and sees Kageyama behind them.

"Who's that?" She says, ditching Hinata and walking right up to Kageyama. She looks up at him with an amazed look in her eyes, and Hinata thinks it's because he's so tall. She has a splitting grin on her face. "Hi, I'm Natsu! Who are you?" She chirps, and Kageyama's eyes flick to Hinata for reassurance.

"I'm Kageyama Tobio, nice to meet you, Natsu." He says in the nicest way he can, opting out of a friendly smile because Hinata knows that he knows that it's terrifying.

"Tobio! That's a funny name! Are you friends with Shouyo, Tobio-kun?" Natsu asks after skipping a little circle around the tall stranger.

"Uh… just Kageyama's fine…" He says, a little embarrassed.

"He's on my team, Natsu!" Hinata says, hugging her from behind. "And we're spending the night at his house." He adds, letting her go.

"Wow!" She gasps, looking wide-eyed at Kageyama. "I like your friend, Shouyo! Let's get ready!" She says, grabbing for Kageyama's and Hinata's hands and tugging them towards the front door. Hinata digs out a key and unlocks the door, unable to help the way his fingers shake uncertainly with the little task.

Natsu bursts inside the little house, running to her room instantly. Hinata goes to his room, too, Kageyama following him because he doesn't know where to go. Hinata gathers some of his things in a bag as Kageyama calls his mom.

"Hey mom… no, I'm not in trouble, I promise… is it alright if my friend and his little sister sleep over tonight?... I'm serious, mom… Hinata! I told you about him!... their mom is out of town, so… yeah. Yeah. Yes, mom. Can you pick us up?" He asks into his phone, and a second later he asks Hinata for the address. He parrots it back to his mom. "I know. Okay… see you later." He hangs up, and tucks his phone back in his pocket. "My mom should be picking us up soon, so that's a good thing." He reports, and Hinata just nods.

"You know… I guess I should be thanking you." Hinata says, zipping up his bag. "You saved me from having to make dinner." He gives Kageyama a little smile, and he doesn't even have to force it.

"My mom's more than happy to have you over so, it's no big deal." Kageyama says underhandedly, not really paying much attention to what he was saying in the first place.

"Tobio-kun!" Natsu yells, bursting into Hinata's room with ease. "C'mon, I want to show you something!" She says, latching onto his wrist and pulling him out of Hinata's room. Kageyama stutters and gives Hinata a ' _help me'_ look, but he only laughs and waves at Kageyama mockingly.

When they are gone, Hinata flops onto his bed and fights the urge to scream. His stomach growls loudly and he wills it to shut up, wills it to go away, because now he doesn't have to make dinner, he has to _eat_ dinner, at Kageyama's house, which is a million times worse because he probably expects him to eat and not be weird and he is probably already suspicious as it is and…

No. No, no, no. He can't think about this. What will happen, happens, and there's nothing he can do about it. This whole thing will be good for Natsu. Get her out of the house, get her to meet new people, even if it is stupid Kageyama. _It's for Natsu_ , he thinks as he pictures a huge plate of food in front of him, _it's always been for Natsu, it'll always be for Natsu_.

A car honks loudly outside, and Hinata doesn't know how much time has passed. Natsu beats Kageyama to his bedroom door, surprisingly, and they both tell him to get up and get going. Hinata stands up quickly, even though the world spins around him as he does so, grabs his bag, and rushes outside with them. He quickly locks the door and slips into the back seat of Kageyama-san's car with Natsu.

Kageyama-san is nice and practically the total opposite of her son, which doesn't surprise Hinata in the least. Natsu and Kageyama-san talk the whole ride to the Kageyama house, while Hinata chimes in sometimes. Mostly, though, Hinata and Kageyama just share weird glances, almost like they're asking each other what exactly is going on.

When they finally get to the house, Hinata finds that it's a little bit smaller than he originally thought it was. Not that Hinata fantasizes about Kageyama's house, it's just that he figured Kageyama's house would be just as big as his ego. He doesn't let any of that catch on, or at least he hopes not, as he watches Kageyama-san lead Natsu into the house.

"Are you going to hurry up any time soon, or…?" Kageyama quips as Hinata clambers out of the car as quickly as he could. His question dies off as soon as Hinata closes the door behind him with a definite _slam!_

"Don't rush me." Hinata barks, giving the taller boy a fierce glare before shouldering his bag and trudging over to the front door. Kageyama, weirdly enough, follows him. The two of them were toeing off their shoes when Natsu runs up to them and squishes Hinata in a tight hug.

"This is cool! Kageyama-san is so nice!" She squeaks, and Hinata smiles at her and brushes a bit of hair out of her eyes.

"We're only staying the night, so don't get too comfortable." Hinata teases, earning the sassiest look Natsu could muster. Kageyama coughs off a laugh.

"Hinata-kun!" Kageyama-san calls. "Come here for a second!"

"Ah…" Hinata was about to reply and make his way over, but he doesn't know where to go. His gaze flicks to Kageyama for a second, before something strong grabs onto his wrist.

"C'mon, stupid…" Kageyama mutters, shuffling around Natsu before marching towards a kitchen with Hinata in tow. When they finally arrive, Kageyama pulls at Hinata's arm so that they were standing side by side, and a second later, he lets go, but not before his fingers shift weirdly against Hinata's wrist, his grip tightening for a second, his thumb moving oddly. Hinata doesn't think much of it, only thinks that Kageyama is being an idiot like he always is.

"Yes?" Hinata asks Kageyama-san, who is standing in front of a refrigerator. She smiles at him warmly, before setting her hands on her hips.

"I was just going to ask you what you wanted for dinner." She says sweetly. "I could make you and Natsu whatever you want, or there's always takeout… and Tobio! Don't be so rough with your friend!" She scolds, going off at a tangent.

"Yeah, Tobio~" Natsu echoes, chuckling a little bit. Kageyama jolts, and turns to his side.

"Why, you-!" He says before he can stop himself, lifting his hands in something that looked like the embodiment of frustration. Natsu squeaks, and takes off running, to where? Hinata has no clue, but Kageyama is following her in an instant. "Come back here!" He yells. Kageyama-san laughs under her breath.

"Uh…" Hinata says, shaken about her previous question. How is he supposed to tell her what he wants for dinner? He will only throw it up, and… that will be all bad. He thinks about telling her what Natsu wants for dinner, but he realizes that he doesn't know that either. "Whatever you want to make us, actually. I don't think I have a preference." He says meekly, rubbing the back of his neck and hoping to God that he doesn't look guilty. Of what? He doesn't know, but he hopes she doesn't see anything odd-

"Alright, thank you Hinata-kun! I'll think of something." She says, giving him another bright smile before it falls off her face. "Are you okay?" She asks suddenly. "I-I don't meant to pry but…. You look quite sick." She observes, leaning a little closer to the orange-haired boy, who immediately takes three steps back.

"I'm okay! I'm gonna go find Kageyama and Natsu!" He says with no breaths in between before darting out of the kitchen and away from Kageyama's mother as quick as he could. His heart is hammering, because she noticed, she said he looked sick, and he guesses he did look a little sick. He was pale, and had bags underneath his eyes… he doesn't know what to do. He wasn't expecting someone to notice; the good thing about seeing everyone every day is that they never notice the little changes, the little things, and he is grateful for it, so, so grateful and yet it isn't enough. His own mother was questioning him earlier about eating enough, and he testified that he was eating at school and that his friends buy him snacks sometimes, he promised…

He hears Natsu's tinkling laughter, and Hinata instantly turns towards the sound. If he was to admit anything, it was that he thought that Kageyama would be terrible with his little sister, but he guesses he doesn't need to worry about that anymore, because if she's laughing, that means no one is in trouble… yet.

He finds his way to the living room, and giggles at the sight of Natsu and Kageyama standing on opposite sides of the couch, Kageyama with a glare on his face and Natsu, naturally, laughing.

"Tobio~ Tobio~!" Natsu sings, flapping her hands around like she expects herself to grow wings and fly off any second now.

"Stop calling me that!" Kageyama growls, but there is no malice in his voice, which Hinata is surprised to hear. The tone he used could have even been described as playful, and it baffles Hinata to no end.

"Tobio can't catch me~" Natsu sings again, laughing a little harder.

"Why are you teasing him?" Hinata says, hugging Natsu from behind suddenly and giving Kageyama a look. "And why are you letting yourself get wound-up by a little girl?" He adds snidely, and Natsu giggles from his weak grip.

"She's just like you, stupid Hinata!" Kageyama barks instantly, pointing at him.

"She is not!" Hinata argues, letting his sister go and taking a step closer to Kageyama, which doesn't mean much because the couch is still blocking them from standing off properly.

"Yes she is! She's totally annoying-!"

"Hey!"

"-And she's fast!"

"I actually think that was a compliment and an insult wrapped into one." Hinata quips and Kageyama groans.

"Tobio! Don't be mean! Why don't you guys play outside for a little bit while I made something for dinner?" Kageyama-san calls from the kitchen. Kageyama groans once more, rolls his eyes, and looks at Hinata and Natsu with a different glint in his eye.

"I'll be right back." He says, and then he takes off running out of the living room and up a set of stairs. Hinata moves to follow him, to race him, because it's only natural for him to race Kageyama whenever he's running, but then he remembers all that's happened today, and he slumps where he stands.

Natsu helps him unconsciously as she grabs his hand and tugs him over to sit down on the couch. She starts jabbering, something about how her day was going and how weird Kageyama was and how he was funny at the same time. And then she goes on about something or other, Hinata stops listening after a while. He smiles at her and laughs when it's appropriate, but he is thinking something else.

He's thinking about what she could have been, what could have happened to her if Hinata had not have decided to make this huge sacrifice. She would be as skinny as he was right about now, because even though Hinata's portion of all the food they had was split between his mother and Natsu, it was barely enough. He is glad he did all this for Natsu, and for his mother too, because he is supposed to make things better, it's his responsibility to provide and yet he can't and this is his only way, and it's working.

 _It's for Natsu_ , he thinks as his stomach growls and he has to laugh extra loud to cover up the sound, _it'll always be for Natsu_.

"Hey." Kageyama says, teetering between being in the living room and out of it. "You guys wanna go outside and play some volleyball?" He asks, holding up a ball in his hands.

"You're just like Shouyo!" Natsu squeaks, getting off the couch in surprise. "Everything's always about volleyball!"

"Uh, because volleyball is awesome!" Hinata says, standing up and hoping that he looks like he had a lot of energy like Natsu does. The little orange-haired girl is already dashing about, looking for the entrance to the backyard when Hinata barely walks out of the living room.

"We won't do anything crazy, I just thought it would be a good way to pass time." Kageyama says under his breath, giving Hinata a meaningful look that he doesn't have the energy to decipher. "Because of what happened earlier, you know." Kageyama adds, and it hits Hinata. He's worried, still worried, and for some reason it makes a smile bloom on his face.

"Yeah, thanks Kageyama." He says as Kageyama leads to the backyard.

Kageyama and Hinata immediately burst out into a leisurely receiving battle, bumping the ball back and forth between them as Natsu watches and counts how many times the ball bounces through the air. Kageyama makes sure that things are kept easy, while Hinata makes sure that his body is controlled and not showing any signs of fatigue.

After a while, Natsu declares that she's bored and she wants to play too, so Kageyama and Hinata shift into teaching mode. They show her how to hold her hands, how to move her arms, how to stand in order to make the perfect receive. Or at least in theory, because the moment Hinata passes the ball in her direction, she squeaks and dodges it easily.

"It's scary!" She screeches, practically shaking in her shoes. Hinata smacks a hand to his forehead and dramatically drags it down his face before giving Kageyama a look. The both have the same expression on their faces.

 _'We have a long way to go…'_

It takes a while, but Natsu finally gets comfortable enough with the ball so that she stays in the same spot for more than three seconds and lets it gently bump against her forearms. All three of them cheer, and keep at it, and soon she lands one good receive back to Kageyama.

"Yeah!" They all yell, laughing, and their celebrations nearly drown out Kageyama-san's voice from inside, shouting for them because dinner was ready.

Natsu is first to rush inside, still a little excited from her first proper receive, and Kageyama is following her closely until he looks back and finds that Hinata is lingering behind.

In all honesty, Hinata is stalling. He tracks down the forgotten volleyball, and picks it up as gingerly as he can, brushing off a couple flecks of dirt here and there. He doesn't want to go inside, he doesn't want to be stuck at the dinner table, with food right in front of him, and knowing that he wanted to eat but he can't. He doesn't want to sit there and look like he disliked Kageyama-san's cooking, because he is sure it's fantastic. And there is also Kageyama himself to worry about, since he's already said that he is worried about him, and, well, what if him not eating makes him more worried? That won't be good, not at all.

"Are you coming, dumbass?" Kageyama asks, noticing the way he was focusing on the volleyball.

"Yeah! What do you think, I'll stay out here all night?" Hinata quips, tossing the ball quickly at Kageyama, hoping to catch him unawares and make him look silly. Instead, the setter catches the ball deftly and gives him an unimpressed look.

"By how fast you're going, you'll be outside for an entire year." Kageyama deadpans, and Hinata rolls his eyes at him. _To think I was worried about worrying this guy…_ Hinata thinks, shouldering past Kageyama and heading back to the kitchen.

Natsu and Kageyama-san are already sitting at the table, yet they are obviously waiting for the two boys to sit down before they start eating. Kageyama plops down and starts eating immediately, practically scarfing down whatever is set before him.

There is a pang in Hinata's heart when he thinks that, if he was here under any other circumstances, they would be racing to see who would eat dinner faster.

Hinata sits down and instantly grabs for a cup of water, drinking it quickly and setting it down like it was a secret. It was quiet, too quiet, but that is a good thing, since Hinata won't know what to say in a conversation, anyways.

He looks down at his food, and nearly bursts into tears. It looks so good, and it smells amazing, and Hinata would give the world to just be able to stuff the whole plate down his throat. Instead, he swallows thickly, and picks at the food nervously, shifting the pieces of meat around and around on his plate. He lifts the chopsticks to his mouth once, with nothing on them, and gives it a taste; even then, his stomach clenches and ties itself into knots at the mere taste of food. He immediately takes them away from his lips, and lets out an almost-audible sigh.

"Hey, Shouyo, why aren't you eating?" Natsu asks, her mouth full but her question clear, and Hinata realizes a second too late that she stuffed her food on the inside of her cheek. He can feel his little sister's gaze, feel the worried expression on Kageyama-san's face, feel the daggers stared into him by Kageyama, and he feels dizzy.

"I don't feel very well. I'm okay, though." Hinata says. "May I be excused?" He asks politely, turning his attention to Kageyama-san, who nods energetically.

"The bathroom is upstairs, the second door to your right if you need it." She says, giving him a gentle smile. He smiles back, thankful for this opportunity, and rushes out of the kitchen and up the stairs in record time.

By the time he's up the stairs, his head starts swimming, and he starts staggering towards the second door to the right before he collapses again. He makes it, thankfully, and sits himself down on the toilet seat, holding his head in his hands.

His stomach is still clenched, his head still feels like its underwater, and every muscle in his body feels like lead. Everything is heavy and too much; he feels like he can't move, the light is too bright in the bathroom, and when he closes his eyes, it is too dark, Kageyama-san is too nice, Natsu is too innocent, Kageyama is too… too…

He starts coughing, and he gets up immediately, which is probably not the best idea since he sees stars almost immediately. He stumbles towards the sink and positions himself above it in preparation. But there's nothing there, nothing in his stomach to come up. He coughs up the little bit of water he drank, and spits it in the sink before the dry heaves start. They hurt his throat, make him curl in on himself in order to reject something that isn't there in the first place. He spits out stomach acid, the yellowish color making him cringe although he's seen it before, and is scared to admit that he now associates the color with all of this finally being close to over.

He slumps, letting go of the edge of the sink and instead slides to the floor, hugging his knees in close and letting them pillow his chin. He wants to cry, but he can't.

By the time he gets back downstairs, Natsu, Kageyama-san, and Kageyama are done eating, and Kageyama-san is wrapping up whatever food Hinata left on his plate (which is every last bit of it, which Hinata feels very, very guilty about).

"You were taking a while, so I thought I would save this for later on if you're hungry tonight." Kageyama-san says, holding up his plate for emphasis.

"Thank you, Kageyama-san!" Hinata says, bowing deeply. Kageyama grabs his collar and pulls him back up to normal height.

"C'mon stupid, we need to set up a futon for Natsu." He says, dragging the orange-haired boy out of the kitchen.

"Okay, okay, okay, I get it! You can let me go now!" Hinata caws, grabbing at Kageyama's grip on the back of his shirt and trying his hardest to pry his fingers off. Unfortunately, he's not that strong, and fails miserably, but, fortunately, Kageyama lets him go a second later.

Kageyama pulls open a tall closet door, and reaches in to retrieve one edge of the futon. He pulls it out as far as he can go on his own, while Hinata squeezes through and grabs the other end. Then, with the weight of the futon between them, Kageyama leads them to the living room.

"Shouyo! Shouyo!" Natsu chants as soon as they walk in. "I get to sleep in the living room tonight because I'm cool! And you get to sleep with Kageyama! Does that mean you'll be helping him with nightmares, too?" She asks excitedly, grinning from ear to ear like they just told her Christmas was tomorrow and she was getting a million and three presents.

"W-What?" Kageyama asks, dropping his edge of the futon in surprise. Hinata laughs lightly, and sets the futon on the floor gently.

"No, he can suffer through his nightmares by himself." Hinata declares, puffing out his chest slightly before deflating and ruffling Natsu's hair. "Besides, I don't think I want to cuddle up to Kageyama anyways." He says snootily, and Kageyama grabs his head, his grip strong.

"Why would you say something like that, you-!" He growls, cutting himself off and freezing before he lets go of him. Hinata rubs at the top of his head, giving Kageyama a curious look. "Let's just get this done so Natsu can go to sleep." He mumbles, turning away from him, avoiding Hinata's gaze.

"What!?" Natsu complains. "But I'm not tired!"

"Yes, you are." Hinata says, sticking his tongue at her before helping Kageyama fit a sheet onto the futon. It is probably a bad idea, since whenever he bends down, he feels lightheaded and like he is going to fall over; it gets to the point where he has to stand on his knees and make his side of the futon in order to not look suspicious.

"Shouyo…" Natsu whines quietly as soon as the futon is made and Kageyama leaves for something or other.

"Hmm, Natsu?" Hinata asks, sitting back on his heels and giving her his full attention. She is rubbing at her eyes sleepily, already changed into pajamas and holding a stuffed animal she nabbed from home, her orange hair pulled up into a tiny pony tail on top of her head, courtesy of Kageyama-san. Hinata is, yet again, strangely thankful that he had chosen to spare Natsu from all of this, because she deserves so much better, even now, and there is a pang in Hinata's heart, but it's different than the one in his stomach and in the back of his head-

"What if I have a nightmare tonight?" She asks innocently, looking a bit worried at her prospects. Hinata laughs a little.

"The same as every night, Natsu," he says gently, "you come and get me, and I'll join you down here, alright?" He says, gripping her lightly by the shoulders and smiling gently.

"Are we leaving tomorrow morning?" She asks, no trace of worry in her voice this time, instead there was a curious air to her voice that made him chuckle more.

"I don't know, we'll have to wait and see, okay?" He says, standing on his knees and pressing a kiss to her forehead. She squeals slightly, and hurries to brush off her brother's cooties as he tucks her in bed and wishes her goodnight.

"Well, that was adorable." Kageyama drawls, sarcasm saturating his voice as Hinata walks into the hallway.

"Shut up. Even you like my sister, Bakayama." He says, shooting him a half-hearted glare. His stomach growls, and he coughs loudly to cover it up. Kageyama raises an eyebrow at his weird coughing fit, but Hinata goes on as if it never happened. "So, I'm sleeping in your room?" He asks, changing the subject.

"Yeah, the futon's already up there." Kageyama says, pushing himself off the wall, where he was leaning on it, and starts heading up the stairs. Hinata blinks at his back for a second, before following him incredulously.

"Wait, so you could have moved the futon by yourself?!" Hinata asks, trailing after him as fast as he can go, and even then he is a couple steps behind than he wants to be. Kageyama ignores his question. "Why did you ask me for help when you could have done Natsu's futon all by yourself!?" He asks, still hopelessly riding on Kageyama's coattails as he steps into a room, _his room_ , Hinata thinks to himself, and shuts the door behind them.

"Because I wanted to see for myself." Kageyama says vaguely, turning around finally, his arms crossed over his chest, a forcibly neutral expression on his face. Hinata blinks at him.

"What are you-?"

"You've been acting weird, really weird, and now you pass out in the middle of practice? Something isn't right," Kageyama says, shaking his head slightly, "and I think I know what it is."

Hinata gulps and takes a step back just as Kageyama lunges forward and grabs his wrist. Hinata struggles weakly, wanting so badly to get out of his grip, but he can already feel Kageyama pulling his wrist up and his sleeve falls down to the cusp of his shoulder.

Skin and bones, that's what Hinata's arm looks like, a skeleton with skin tied to it. Kageyama gasps, and his eyes widen slightly, almost like he wasn't expecting this. He doesn't stay awed for long, because a moment later, his other hand darts for the hem of Hinata's shirt, and before Hinata can fully shout his name, he yanks up the edge and sees the entirety of Hinata's hollowed stomach and his clearly-visible ribs.

Hinata jerks back, and this time, Kageyama's grip is loose enough from shock in order for him to move away from his successfully. Hinata presses himself against the door, his arms wrapped tightly around himself, his shoulders hunched, his breath coming in unevenly and tears threatening to leave his eyes.

"What the hell, Kageyama!?" Hinata says loudly, a little too loudly, given the time, but he doesn't care. He feels… violated, hurt, like someone just exposed his greatest secret and he could never take it back.

"S-shit, Hinata, I… I didn't…" Kageyama stutters, his eyes wider than before, and his fingers nervously raking through his hair.

"You didn't what?" Hinata asks, spitting the question, because he was hurt, dammit, because he knew Kageyama was worried, but he wasn't supposed to know, he was never supposed to know, he doesn't want this, he doesn't want Kageyama's stupid ass pity, doesn't want the King looking down at him and now…

"I didn't know how bad it was. I… I didn't know you would look like…" Kageyama trails off, his eyes finally coming up and meeting Hinata's for the first time since he did all this. He sees the tears there, apparently, because he moves forward, his arms gesturing awkwardly, and his mouth opening up to say, "Shit, Hinata, I didn't mean it like this-" His voice breaks, and he stops talking, stops advancing, stops looking at Hinata, and instead looks down at his shoes.

There is something in the snag of Kageyama's voice the moment it breaks, the moment he stops getting closer, that let's Hinata know that Kageyama didn't mean to take it this far, and that he is only worried, and it's stupid to be mad at someone who cares, stupid to not tell anyone about any of this in the first place.

"I-I'm sorry." Hinata says, straightening up and shifting out of his defensive stance against the door. He moves away, closer to Kageyama, close enough to catch his attention and open his mouth to protest against Hinata's apology. "No, don't." Hinata says, aborting Kageyama's argument before he could form it. "I'm sorry for not telling you, sorry for not coming out and saying all this in the first place, sorry for not… for not…"

"You don't need to be sorry for anything, dumbass." Kageyama says lightly, the insult having no sting to it; actually by the way he said it, it could have counted as an odd term of endearment. "Just… how did you get like that? What happened?" His question is so innocent, so ignorant to the horrible truth behind the answer, that Hinata's tears finally leaks from his eyes, sobs wracking his thin, thin shoulders.

Kageyama maneuvers him across the futon and onto his bed, sitting him down and sitting right next to him, an arm across his shoulders awkwardly as he lets Hinata cry onto his shoulder or chest. It's a moment later until Hinata cries all the tears he's allowed to, and he sits up, mops his eyes, and decides tell Kageyama everything.

"My mom lost her job, and there was no more money, so…"

"You didn't…"

"I did what… I had to. I stopped eating, because, maybe… Natsu and my mom could have as much as they needed… I just felt so…. Useless, worthless, helpless when I was supposed to support them so…"

"You didn't need to-"

"But I did. I told my mom and I was eating at school, and I drank water to trick myself into thinking I was fine. I couldn't be tempted to be near food so-"

"You went to the bathroom at lunch every day. And that's why you threw up the meat bun, because your stomach couldn't take something so heavy after all that time of nothing. And that's why you passed out, because you've been trying so hard to go without food that you practically ran yourself short."

"You knew I went to the bathroom at lunch?" Hinata asks, surprised.

"I was worried, dumbass, you were acting weird."

"That's kinda creepy…"

"Don't go changing the subject." Kageyama says gently, even though it was supposed to be a snappy remark.

"And that's why I didn't eat my dinner, that's why I excused myself, because I knew if I ate something, it would have been a disaster." Hinata admits quietly. "And you would have known." He adds softly, just barely audible as his voice breaks.

"You can't stomach anything?" Kageyama drills after a pregnant pause.

"Nope."

"And you've been drinking nothing but water this whole time?" He asks.

"Yeah."

"I'll be right back." He says, getting up a bit awkwardly and climbing off the futon, leaving the room.

"Kageyama!" Hinata shouts, freaked out by his sudden change.

"Right back." He assures, ducking out of the room and leaving the door open as he thunders down the stairs.

The moment he's gone, Hinata slumps, not caring that it's Kageyama's bed he's flopping back on as he does so. That happened, that happened, all of that was real and… was this real? He doesn't know. He doesn't know if this is a good or bad thing that Kageyama knows now, but it shouldn't be that big of a deal, right? He will still do this for Natsu, because it's always been for Natsu. _It'll always be for Natsu_ , he thinks, as Kageyama storms into the room again and shocks him right out of his thoughts.

Kageyama's holding a clear glass with a yellowish-green liquid inside, and instantaneously Hinata wants to run, because it looks the same as his stomach acid as he throws it up, and his stomach is already tying itself in knots and he feels sick, sick, sick-

"Here, drink this." Kageyama says, forcing the glass into his hands. Hinata looks up at him surprised, eyes wide and pleading for him not to, scared about what this is and what it means and- "Calm down, it's a sports drink, idiot." Kageyama chastises lightly, flicking his forehead as he does so.

Hinata lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding in, and starts to nurse the drink slowly. The sweetness on his tongue makes him giddy, makes him feel like he's missed this… makes him feel guilty, because he shouldn't be doing this, it should be for Natsu, it should always be for Natsu-

"Hey." Kageyama says suddenly. "Stop thinking and do it before I force it down your dumbass throat." His threat holds weight, he hears it in his voice, sees it in his eyes, and he obediently drinks the rest of the drink. "How do you feel?" Kageyama asks the moment he pulls the drink from his lips.

Hinata smacks his lips and thinks.

"Like I need a nap." He resolves, feeling a little too full to his liking.

"Then go to sleep, stupid." Kageyama says, and only protests for about a minute when Hinata mumbles an affirmative and slumps over onto his pillows. Hinata ends up sleeping on his bed, while Kageyama takes the futon.

* * *

Hinata finds his life turning around after that. His mom comes back from her trip with a new job as a receptionist, and he can't be happier. Kageyama brings him more than enough sports drinks to last him through the day every morning, and takes note about how much Hinata is drinking so he knows how much to bring the next day. He goes with him as he calls a meeting with Ukai and Daichi to tell them of his predicament. They are, thankfully, understanding, and take it easy on Hinata until he gets back up to speed.

The shift from sports drinks to protein shakes is hard, but with Kageyama and his never-ending supply of practically everything he needs, it's a lot smoother than he thought it would be.

Hinata feels bad, sometimes, for putting himself through that. He knows he should have put more thought into it, should have reconsidered at the first pang of hunger, should have been a little more selfish and a lot less selfless. But he knows now, knows that everything doesn't have to be for Natsu, and that it's never been only for Natsu, and sometimes he has to put himself on the same kind of pedestal.

He sees the way Kageyama grins at him (in his own creepy sort of way) whenever he shows signs of improvement or bouncing back, and he thinks that maybe he can put himself first every once in a while.

* * *

 **so, in the end, hinata gets better slowly and he and kageyama kill it on the court in their third year.**

 **THANK YOU FOR READING! please leave a review of constructive criticism is you want!**

 **(also, the word count here doesnt match up with the one on the original document, so tell me if you see any errors! thank you!)**

 **I LOVE YOU! TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND STAY SAFE!**

 **-HB**


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